Discipline

Writing.
I’m finally doing it. Sitting down and writing. I’ve always said I would. I have a few times, actually. But not as a discipline. Not as a way of developing an art. Does it come from fear? Does it come from the stunning reality (perceived or true) that I have nothing to say which hasn’t already been said? Probably. But today I was doing some reading (which I believe most, if not all, good writers have to do a lot of) and I came to the same conclusion I have come to over and over again: I let the little things I want get in the way of the big things I want.
So what is it that I want? I want to create. I want to be skilled. I want to be all that God has created for me to be. This comes for me in the way of music and writing, both of which take time. I spend way too much time being entertained, and not really developing what I have. Not that all entertainment is drivel, but that’s for another time. Valuable nuggets of truth and understanding are often found in the most unusual places. Today I was reading a book called “A Hunger for God” from which my aforementioned ‘revelation of the day’ came from. Yesterday, however, I was reading “Entertainment Weekly.” There I found a piece of treasured wisdom there, too. I almost don’t want to quote my source. It makes me laugh to think about the actress who said it. She had one career defining role playing a woman who led a double life, hiding her true identity until trouble came and then releasing it to bring beauty, strength, and peace. Linda Carter gave me my ‘revelation of the day’ yesterday. That’s right, Wonder Woman. She once made every little girl in America wish she had big red boots, an invisible airplane, and the ability to, well….save the world on a weekly basis. Then she spun around and all the sudden was back wearing her glasses and business suit with her hair pulled back, hiding her beauty and glory because it was just too much for the world to see all the time. Another topic for later.
“So what did she say” you may be asking? She’s an artist and a mother. She took time off from acting to raise her family. Don’t knock her career choices. But what she said in this interview that pierced my heart was this: “Discipline leads to creative freedom”. There it is. Some wise words from what must be a wise woman. It’s so true. We are given gifts, artistically. Few are given such gifts that come completely naturally. That’s why Mozart and Bach still needed piano teachers. They needed and we need help in taking what we want to say, to write, to play, to paint or draw, and actually putting that down on paper. They had these inexplicable short of the supernatural gifts and yet they still needed to sit down and practice.
So this, I suppose is what separates the wannabe artists from the masters. When it comes down to it, being an artist is not a talent issue, but a heart issue. Talent might let you live off of your art, but you’ll never be able to produce art without the discipline behind it. It proves true in my life, especially in music. I can write. I learned how to do that in kindergarten. Over the years I’ve learned to write and communicate more effectively. Journaling has been a part of my daily life pretty consistently for about 15 years now. But music…that’s another story.
I love music. I love the way it sends my heart to elation or so perfectly encapsulates my mood or feelings, even without words. Producing music on my own, however tends to be more complicated. I took piano lessons from the time I was in 2nd grade until I graduated from high school, 10 years. I was never terribly consistent in practicing, must to my teachers’ chagrin. Maybe I should have started in 1st grade or kindergarten like reading and writing. Not being disciplined has really hurt me. I don’t possess the skill to communicate on an instrument like I’d want to because I haven’t practiced.
I moved to Orlando when I was 25. I had always loved the cello and dreamed of playing one. I didn’t have to pay rent that first year so I bought a cello instead. Four years later I still own that cello, but don’t play it nearly as well as I ought. Things have gotten in the way: some of them big and important, some of the trivial not at all important. But the desire is still inside of me to play and to play well. I long to be able to make music with others--to complement their melody with the harmonies from my cello. To perform a deep, rich vibrato is my dream. But as of yet, I’m not there. Mostly because I have not had the discipline to make myself do it. I have lofty goals, but little follow through.
But before I let that depress me, I want to try one more time. And again and again if that’s what it takes to become good at something. For my dreams to not just be in my head but in reality. It has happened a few times in my life and it was sweet. So here’s to discipline: getting back up and writing and playing and practicing again and again and again.

still alive

dear gentle reader,

I am still alive, don't worry.