the dream of the little suitcase

I have a set of three pieces of luggage that I purchased (or my mom, I can't really remember whho paid) after my freshman year of college when I worked at Elder-Beerman and had a nice little employee discount (hence the fuzziness over who actually paid). These three hunter green Samsonite pieces have seen me through many a trip, many a car trunk, many an airplane's cargo bay. Many houses, many states, two countries.
I no longer really use one piece. It's a "hangie bag" and is a pain to get into and out of when you're on the road. But the principle other pieces I use all the time: the big suitcase and the little suitcase (aka, the Magic Suitcase because I've often shocked myself with just how much I can fit inside that suitcase like on laundry days in Germany or when I found I was coming back with more than I left with). For longer trips I pack them both. I brought them both home for Christmas but since I'm going to a conference tomorrow and will only be gone for four days, I thought I'd try really hard and only pack the little one. So I've been trying really hard. What can I live without for the next four days? What will I need? What will I not need. I thought I was doing pretty well, I had huge hopes of getting to take only the little suitcase, but now that the laundry is pretty much done, the dream is dead. I cannot make it to Christmas Conference with just the little bag, even if it is the Magic Suitcase.
I think what it comes down to is not that I like the Magic Suitcase better than the big suitcase, because the big one has wheels and the little one must be carried. I think it comes down to the fact that I don't like the fact that I'm so high-maintenance. I feel like I require so much stuff and honestly it drives me a little crazy. Like my hair, for instance. Four products, post-shower. So if you count shampoo and conditioner, that's six. Anti-frizz, gel, curl enhancer, spray. I think part of it is how I resist routine. More stuff=more routine. But then again, I really like how myy hair turns out with each of those products. By the way, I have an amazing haircut currently.
Is it a perception issue? Do I just like being seen as a low-maintenance girl and being seen coming to a four day conference with a big suitcase hurts the pride? I have a feeling that's only part of it.
I value simplicity. I know how too much stuff leads to a troubled heart and mind. I am drawn to simplicity and singleness of purpose and mind. My heart longs for it, to even be low-maintenance.
But when it comes to packing, I'm not very good at simplicity. So then, why can't I just embrace it? I have a lot of stuff. And I like my stuff. So I guess I should get used to it. Simplicity must come in my heart and in my everyday life. But in travel, I require stuff. I require the big suitcase. So for now, the dream is gone. At least my hair looks good. And isn't that what's important, after all?

Maybe if it were summer and there weren't sweaters in there...

christmas

It's Christmas Day!

My expectations, set determinedly low last night and the previous week, were far exceeded today. It has actually been a really fun day. Maybe we should go to church, come home, eat lunch, then do presents every Christmas.

Last night I was disappointed with Christmas and being an adult. Then it hit me that the magic was gone because I never stopped to think about Christmas, really. Enter cheesy Christmas movie script here. This fall I've learned more than ever how amazing it was that Jesus came to begin with, how his birth is the hinge of history, the first stage of the battle to redeem the world. My professor this semester asked us if we really believed that Jesus was really going to change the world. Actually, he didn't ask us. He told us we don't really believe it. We don't really believe that Jesus is going to come back and transform this world into something new and bring it back to what it was created to be. It has captured my heart once again, the gospel. The gospel isn't just for individuals--it's for all creation. I'm barely understanding it, but I feel like I'm just beginning to taste it.

So Merry Christmas, everyone. He's coming!

Serenity

It's not what you think. It just came out on DVD. It's a movie. A really stinkin' cool movie based on a stinkin' cool television show. I don't feel very eloquent tonight, but I thought I'd express my delight at the fact that my brother made a B-line (what does that mean, exactly? what is a b-line?) to purchase said movie this morning and I got to watch some of the extras. I haven't watched the whole movie since the theatres, but I highly recommend it. And just by saying something means I REALLY recommend it. I also recommend the series from whence the movie was spawned, Firefly. Come join the Browncoasts.

And, I got a haircut today. I'm addicted to layers. It was fun watching Jessica create more and more of them. I don't like the necessity of layers, but I sure do like what they do. Maybe one day I'll be able to live without them. Until then, I guess I'll just be content to how they make my hair all fun and curly.

home

Heather and I drove home yesterday. We arrived around 9:30 after a long day on the road. It went more quickly than I expected it to, though. I like roadtrips.

Whenever I come home, there is always this deep quietness here. Maybe it's because it's an older house, maybe it's because my ears had been heaing the whir of the miles for hours and hours. But there was a definite sense of silence when the welcomes were all done and I was alone in my room.
"What did on my Christmas Vacation" should be a report I'd like to be prepared to write. I don't want to squander my time here. I want to read. I want to play the piano. I want to catch up with friends. I want to pray.

Hopefully I'll do all these things and more. But it will take some planning. Planning is not so bad as I made it seem last week in an email to a friend. I think I just get overwhelmed sometimes. I suppose that is what vacations are for: relax, refresh, think ahead, rest.

done.

Tonight I took my final for my seminary class. It's done. My class is over. Part of me is excited because it means I now have a life again. Part of me is sad because I'm really going to miss that community up there. Really sad. I've grown to love RTS and my friends there and that environment. I'll be back, I'm pretty sure. I just won't be back this coming semester. I'm going to miss being a nerd.

I'm tired, though. I'm ready to go home and be with my family. I'm ready for Christmas. This is different than college, though. It's not really my school work that overwhelms me, but my work. It's just a lot to do and a lot of responsibility and I'm barely hanging on. I don't have the expectations of doing it perfectly, but I do want to do it well. I need to let go of doing the job like it's always been done. We don't have the capacity or the people we once had. But it will all get done, eventually. Thanks to Anna and Dawson who faithfully wade through the mess with me.

DAS

I think I have DAS, reverse Seasonal Affectation Disorder. You know that syndrome where people who live in really dreary climates become clinically depressed because of the lack of sunlight in their lives? It has to do with mellotonin production, apparently. A friend and I decided the other day that I must have DAS instead of SAD (I've always wondered if they came up with the acronymn first or if it convieniently formed a descriptive word). Ever since I lived in Michigan (a state where people could actually have SAD), I've realized how I just felt happier on cloudy days. My friends there said I was like a bat. In Henry Cloud's book, Changes that Heal, he says something to the effect of "depressed people like it when it is dreary outside because it matches the way they feel inside." Hmmmm. I was already pretty convinced I was depressed at this point, so that comment made sense. But five years later, I'm living in the Sunshine State and not really feeling depressed much any more. Then why is it that I feel so hyper on cloudy days? Like I could take on the world and be all that God created me to be? Why do I want to crawl under a cool damp rock in the heat and sun? Why did I yell at a butterfly the other day for its presence during the Christmas season?
That's what I thought, too! I have DAS.

hyper peace

I title this post that because I am at the same time both hyper and peaceful all at once. Except for my final which I'll take Tuesday night and some other potentially stressful things that will happen at work this week, I'm feeling as if the world is aright. I had my office's christmas party here today. Having people over just makes me hyper...hyper in a good way, not a stress/anxiety way. It's really nice. I love having people in my home and sharing it with others.
So now it's 11:30 and I'm drinking chamomile/lavendar tea (which I highly recommend) in order to go to sleep. I think it's the feeling of freedom coupled with the rest of having a clean house and that its all decorated for Christmas. Which leads me to another conclusion which I think I'll start a new post about....